Day Twenty: Petits Fours Dummys

I went to a baby shower Sunday, and while they served an impressive three-tier cake with a cartoon caricature of the mother-to-be on the side, there were no petits fours.  There must be petits fours at a shower.  It's a rule....that someone said...some time ago.

For the uninitiated, petits fours (pronounced "petty-fours" if you speak American) are little, bite-sized cakes.  Petit four is French for "little bites of sugary-heaven".* The best are so light, they melt in your mouth...not unlike cotton candy.  :swoon:   You can see why they are quite a treat.

       *Petit Four is actually French for "little oven", but my version is closer to the truth.

Since there were no petits fours at the shower, I decided to make some as a reward to myself for sitting through two hours of watching a pregnant lady open baby gifts.  All that oooh-ing and aaaah-ing at crocheted baby shoes is hard work.   I chose Martha's recipe for Spring Shower Almond Petits Fours. (Note the name.  Martha, too, knows about the rule).  Martha has numerous petits fours recipes, but I chose this one because several people commented that the recipe was "way too sweet".  The misguided folks who wrote those reviews probably also use the phrases "too rich", "too thin", and "too good-looking".  I don't know these people, but they've lost all credibility with that crazy talk.

I learned a few things today:

Lesson #1:   Almond Paste is like cocaine:  It's sold by the gram. Or quite close to it.  I went to a specialty bake shop because I wasn't sure whether or not I would be able to find almond paste at my local grocery.  I walked out of there with a can of almond paste the size of baby food jar,  and my wallet thirteen dollars lighter.  I felt like I had just left one of those "smoke shops" and had bought something illicit.

This is what almond paste looks like laying over a bed of sugar, which happens to be the first ingredients to petits fours:

Looks appetizing, right?  :gags:


Lesson #2:  Electric Mixers will send all male members of your household scampering to you.  It's the modern version of a dinner bell.  My son became intensely interested in what I was baking as soon as I took it out.

This is what the almond paste and sugar looks like after it's been mixed with loads of butter.  Those are egg whites on top about to be gently folded into the mix.

The petits fours uncooked in their pan:

Petits Fours completed.  Sort of looks like creme brulee, n'est pas?

As if the petits fours weren't delicious enough, you put cherry preserves in the middle and on top.

Lesson #3:  Cherry preserves processed in a food processor looks a lot like the stuff that passes for blood in the movies:

Again, looks appetizing, right?

Lesson #4:  Nothing, absolutely nothing, makes your kitchen dirtier than powdered sugar.  I am still finding sticky spots where I spilled the stuff.  This is probably because the glaze for these petits fours takes TWELVE CUPS of powdered sugar.

Sweet Betty Crocker that's a lot of powdered sugar.

I had to take a photo of it.

 ...And you mix the sugar with milk.  Throw in a video game and you've slipped into some kid's fantasy...

Side note: that's me, mixing the glaze with the wisk my husband Santa bought me for Christmas.  What a treat that was...There is nothing like waking up on Christmas morning and finding... a wisk in your stocking!  Yay!

Completed, cherry-preserve-topped petits fours, before the sugar frosting glaze is applied:

They don't look too bad, right?

It is at this point that the whole endeavor goes horribly wrong. 

Lesson #5:  If you don't mix in enough milk to your glaze, your petits fours will end up looking like a bad-horror-movie victim, oozing blood and covered in slime:

This is the most appetizing photo I could take:

In the future I think I will leave the petits fours to the professional bakers.  Besides, it's really not a good idea that I start making these at home.  I might as well just tie the sticks of butter directly to my thighs.  It would be more expedient.  Plus, they look so terrible I'm not sure I could get anyone else to eat them...

But Holy Martha Stewart are they good.