Day Three Hundred Sixty Five: Longest Cake Ever

It's finally here.  The very last day.  I can hardly believe it's been a year.  Happy anniversary to me! I should definitely buy myself a gift.

For my grand finale I decided to choose a special cake recipe, a photo of which graces the cover of one of Martha's books: Martha Stewart Living's 2002 Annual Recipes. The Cover Girl Recipe in this case is Alma Etheridge Wilson's Roanoke Sixteen-Layer Chocolate Fudge Cake. (p. 134).

Yes, that really is the name of the cake.  You can't make this stuff up, people.  This cake has the distinction of being the cake with the longest name ever.*  The only thing longer than its name is the length of time it takes to put this cake together.  I started making this cake at noon on Wednesday and finally cut into it about 9 p.m.  That's a lot of work for a measly eight-inch cake.

* As determined by me, just now, for the purposes of this blog.

Martha doesn't have this recipe online, but it is very similar to her Darkest Chocolate Crepe Cake, which also looks delicious but lacks the lengthy moniker.

You may be wondering why this cake took so long to make.  You start by preparing an eight-inch cake pan by coating it with cooking spray and lining the bottom with a parchment circle (that you've cut out beforehand, natch).  Then coat the parchment with cooking spray and dust with flour, shaking out the excess.  Add a half-cup of batter to the pan and spread the batter evenly. Cook for ten minutes, turning halfway through the baking.  This results in layers that are approximately 1/4 inch thick.

Martha suggests you cook two cakes at one time, repeating the process described above a mere eight times.  Since I only had one eight-inch cake pan, I repeated the process sixteen times.

Alma Etheridge Wilson's Roanoke Sixteen-Layer Chocolate Fudge Cake, remember?

So basically every five minutes I was either turning a pan, removing a pan, removing a cake layer,  cutting a parchment circle or cleaning the stupid solitary eight-inch cake pan I own.

It was a long, long afternoon.

Truthfully I only ended with fourteen layers because I lost two layers in the baking process:  one layer could not bear to be parted from the cake pan and broke apart as I was trying to remove it;  conversely, the other layer flung itself to the floor in a rather dramatic fashion.

And that's truly how it happened.

One of the 1/4 inch thick layers below. Apparently layer number fourteen.  I began to number the layers around hour three in an effort of self-encouragement.

After several hours of baking, I'm was ready to build the cake.  You make the glaze by melting chocolate in hot evaporated milk, mixed with sugar and light corn syrup. Layer one:

 Covered with a couple tablespoons of fudge glaze:

Each layer is sandwiched with chocolate (or is it the other way around?) This is about layer four:

 Halfway through:

When the cake is finished, drizzle the remaining glaze over the top of the cake.

 Unfortunately, the top layer of the cake began to break under the stress of all that delectable chocolate....

 ....If I had a video, you'd see the top layer of the cake riding a wave of fudge glaze, making a run for it and actually sliding right off the top of the cake...and onto the counter.

Could this cake look uglier?  I think not.  I'm always optimistic, however, and still had high hopes.

It's not half bad-looking when cut, right?

In comparison with the cover photo:

Okay, so maybe it is pretty bad. 

As I said, it was late before I cut into this cake and served a piece to my official taste-tester, who is known in certain circles as my husband. When I revealed how long I'd spent baking, he nearly fell off his chair laughing.  His verdict:  had I wanted to make a mushy cake, I could have done so in a lot less time.  

I couldn't be mad because it's the truth. I was hoping to end with something knock-your-socks-off fabulous, but the truth is so much more interesting.

And so my little experiment is at an end.  It's been fun.  It's been frustrating.  I've learned that Martha and her minions are some talented people.  I learned how to make some amazing things, and I've suffered through some embarrassing experiments.  I hope you've learned something, too.  If not, I hope you at least had a chuckle or two at my expense.

I'm sure I will continue to post projects and disasters, but with much less regularity.  Maybe One Martha a Month? ...Stay tuned.

Thanks for reading.
xoxo
MRS

Day Three Hundred Fifty Two: Gettin' My Jam On (Everything)

As I mentioned when I made the Personalized Gift Tags, my birthday was Friday.  My husband planned a dinner with a few friends, and I wanted to make little boxes of late-night snacks for them to take home.  As part of the boxes, I thought to include a little something for breakfast the next morning.  I decided on Martha's Jam-Filled Coffee Cake Muffins because they look seriously decadent and I thought the crumbly, brown-sugar top would keep them moist until they were ready to eat.  (I don't know this to be the case, I was just guessing.)

Martha's recipe calls for the muffins to be made in 2 3/4-inch by 2-inch panettone papers, which are basically fancy, slightly sturdier, cupcake liners.  Despite heroic efforts, I was unable to find panettone papers that size.  I decided to try these adorable, slightly smaller paper muffin cups.  Since these cups are smaller than the suggested cups, I divided the batter between fifteen muffins cups instead of twelve.

Divided batter in ridiculously adorable muffin cups:

A teaspoon of strawberry jam on top:

Covered with a brown-sugar crumble:

I can smell success...or is that just the brown sugar?



About twenty minutes later I checked the oven to find this:

Hmmm.  Looks like I should have used a few more cups.  Nary a single muffin was presentable for my guests.  If you ignored the dripping dough on the outside, however, and actually ate one... They. Are. Delicious.  A herd of elephants or Justin Beiber fans could not keep me from trying this again.

Day Three Hundred Forty Four: Chocolate Happens

After my success with the chocolate fondue on Tuesday, I decided to make my husband Martha's Chocolate-Covered Strawberries.  I figured it couldn't be very hard to melt chocolate and dip strawberries into it.

Chopped nuts for garnish?  Check:

Gorgeous strawberries, ready for dipping?  Check:

Rock hard chocolate? Check:

You might be wondering..."Isn't that chocolate supposed to be melted?"  Why yes, clever person, it should be.  But the longer I melted the chocolate in the double boiler, the harder it became.  I practically had to chisel it out of the bowl when I was done.

Needless to say no strawberries were dipped into chocolate that night. (Sorry, honey.)

The next day I did a little internet research and found out that making one of the following mistakes will cause your melted chocolate to "seize":  1) heating the chocolate over too high of heat, or  2) allowing steam/moisture from the double boiler to get into the chocolate.

I'm pretty sure I didn't do one of these things.  I positive I did both.

I've always been a bit of an over-achiever.

Day Three Hundred Twenty One: Cupcake Collapse

Years ago I spotted Martha's Chrysanthemum Cupcakes and have wanted to try them ever since.

Martha's Chrysanthemum Cupcake

I never have made them....probably because the icing looks like such hard work, and because I did not have the proper icing tip to make the petals.  Last weekend, however, I became the proud new owner of one fancy curved icing tip:

Ta-Da!!!  So I ran home to make cupcakes.

These are plain vanilla cupcakes, but they are iced with Martha's Meringue Butter Cream, which is like crack for children and thirty-something mothers.

Best. Icing. Ever.

I've made this icing before (and here) and it never fails: each time people are licking their fingers and asking me where I bought the cake.  

If you don't follow the recipe to the LETTER, however, it doesn't turn out so hot. Hot being the operative word here:  I didn't allow the meringue mix to cool down entirely before adding the butter so my butter cream icing was a little runny.  So, instead of lovely perky petals, my flower looked like it needed to be watered:

It was truly a sad day, especially since I was pretty sure I was the Icing Queen after my previous successes.  

:dramatic sigh:

Does this mean I have to give up my sash and tiara? 

Day Two Hundred Fifty-Three: Potential Parmesan Spirals

I chose to make Martha's Parmesan Spirals because the recipe indicated you could make them for a party a few days ahead and store them in an air-tight container.  So I made them Wednesday for a Thursday night party.

To make, just roll up store-bought puff pastry with parmesan and spices.    Bake for a few minutes and it's done.  It's almost too simple to mess up.

But I'm afraid I did.

I hate to tell you, but these adorable little appetizers weren't very good. :tear:  In fact, they were so dry that I didn't even bring them to the party.  The only air-tight container that these appetizers saw was the inside of my trashcan.   I'm pretty sure I did something wrong though, because these had a lot of potential.

Oops.  There will be a do-over.   At least they were really cute.

Day Two Hundred Twenty-Five: Terrible Shrunken Apple Heads

Did you carve apples to make Shrunken Apple Heads as a kid?  I didn't and apparently I'm the only child in America who didn't have this experience.  On Saturday I made Martha's Shrunken Apple Heads with my kiddos.  They "helped" by dictating what the heads would look like.  I carved.

By the way:  I'm terrible at carving apples....even using my kids as an excuse, my apples look like a chipmunk stole an apple and got bored half way through the meal.

I wanted to blog about it on Saturday but since I'm a shrunken-apple-head newbie, I didn't realize the apples take days to shrink.  One of our apples on carving day:

Another face on carving day.  No, the photo is not out of focus.  That's my wicked carving skills at work:

So now it's five days later and my apples have not really shrunk.  At least they have evenly browned:

Seriously.  These are pathetic.  I want a do-over.

Day Two Hundred Eleven: Don't-Try-This-At-Home Roasted Salmon

My husband is out of town on business, so yesterday I decided to make his less-than-favorite dish: anything-with-fish.  I made Martha's Roasted Salmon with White Wine Sauce.  It looks good and uses the one weed herb I consistently have growing:  chives.  (Seriously, the stuff won't die.)

This is one of Martha's really easy recipes.  Dish:  In case you haven't noticed, most of Martha's "easy recipes" have been great...but this isn't one of them.  The sauce is terrible.  Actually, it was so bad, I made it three times thinking I had certainly done something wrong.  I'm thinking there is a typo in the recipe.  I'm not sure what it is.  :not a professional chef: 

There is a copy editor somewhere who should be fired. 

At least it looks good.

Day Two Hundred Ten: Spaghetti Squash Con

Like most young children, my kids love pasta.  Especially plain pasta with butter.  :yawn:  They would eat pasta for every meal if I let them. When I saw Martha's recipe for Roasted Spaghetti Squash with Herbs, my Brilliant Evil-Genius Mind thought,

"I can make them think vegetables are pasta!" Hahahahahahahahahah!!!!  :evil genius laugh:

Did it work?!?!?  No.

But it should have.  I think my Brilliant Evil-Genius Plan went awry somewhere.  This is what happened:

I started with a spaghetti squash, cut in half, brushed with olive oil, sprinkled with salt and BROWN SUGAR.  (Seriously, this recipe had something going for it.)

Cooked spaghetti squash:

I even let my son scrape the squash to make the "spaghetti" so he would believe me.

I had to use all my tom-foolery to make my daughter eat even two bites of this....and that was after I pulled out the coveted Pink-Princess spoon.  There is still a lot left:

Outcome:  Evil Genius Plan backfired.  But isn't that how all those Evil Genius Plans go?

:sigh:

Day Two Hundred Seven: It's a (Really Ugly) Wrap!

After all the sweets the last few days, I decided to make something healthy on Saturday.  I had some quinoa in the pantry and so I searched MarthaStewart.com for a new quinoa recipe.  I found Martha's recipe for a Tuna and Quinoa Wrap, which mixes tuna, quinoa and greek yogurt. What's not to like?  It sounded good, so I gave it a try.  

The recipe is nothing more than making the quinoa, mixing the tuna, greek yogurt and spices, and throwing it all on a wrap.   Super-simple.  I realized, however, this was not going to be a winner when I went to take a photo of the wrap.  

It's, uh....ugly.

My husband walked by as I was taking this and laughed.  He mocked my efforts to make this ugly ducking look mouth-watering.  I'd like to say that it tasted better than it looked....but it didn't.  It was pretty much inedible.  I tossed it all and ate a brownie for dinner instead.

It's hard for me to look at this photo. :ashamed:

Day Two Hundred Four: Sugar Pie Honey Buns

My mother-in-law makes the best cinnamon rolls in the world.  She does.  Trust me.  Forget those things you buy in the mall.  If an international award for cinnamon rolls existed, she would win it.  She has perfected her recipe over the course of many years, starting before she gave birth to my husband.  She probably practiced kneading dough as a toddler.

My husband and I have tried to make cinnamon rolls many times.  They usually turn out pretty good but hardly comparable to "The Cinnamon Rolls" as they are known in my house.  I've given up.  

Since I can't possibly compare with The Cinnamon Rolls, I decided to try Martha's Honey Buns.  They look sort of like cinnamon rolls, but with honey.  And, since I've nothing to compare them with, I'm thinking I'll be pretty satisfied with the results. (Low expectations are important here.)

First you make the dough, which is key to a tasty bun.  This dough was kneaded mostly by my mixer's dough hook, which you can borrow if you want to go as Captain Hook for Halloween:

This is my dough fully kneaded, ready for rising:

I have to say I was pretty happy with this dough.  It looked fabulous.  It had great potential.  It was a thing of beauty.  

Give the dough an hour to rise and it should double in size.  Mine performed beautifully.  I was so proud of my dough I almost took a photo and sent it to Martha herself.

Martha calls for the dough to be divided into three balls.  Seriously, my dough is so awesome.  I'm pretty confident even my Mother-in-law would agree.  Look at that:

This is probably the first time I've ever made dough that part of it didn't stick to the counter.  I did a little dance around my kitchen when I was able to roll it out with ease:

 Brush with honey and top with filling, then roll it up:

Pour the honey mixture into the pan, then put the sliced rolls, face down into the pan.  My slices look like I cut them with a butter knife, but hey: 

But after the dough rose again, they looked better:

And then it happened:  the school called.  My youngest daughter wasn't feeling well and I had to take her to the doctor.  Also, it was nearly time to pick up my two oldest children from school.  My plan was this:  throw the honey buns in the oven, pick up sick kid, run to pick up the older kids from school, and then run home to take the buns out of the oven before heading to the doctor with all three. 

It was a solid plan.

After picking up all three kids, I ran home.  (No traffic!  No train!  Hurrah!!)  When I opened the back door, however, smoke poured out of the house. The honey topping had bubbled over and had smoked up the whole house.  My buns and glorious dough:

This is a really sad photo with the topping having frozen mid-drip:

The good thing is that the honey buns were still edible.  The bad thing is that they were terrible.  

Now:  I really like sweets.  There are few things that I have ever found too sweet for my tastes.  That being admitted, these honey buns are too sweet.  Once they cooled, the caramel/honey topping hardens into a taffy-like consistency that your dentist will have a hard time removing.  It was sort of like chewing on sticky honeycomb, which later hardens into rubber cement.

It was all very sad. But at least my daughter is feeling better.  

I still have two rolls of (beautiful!) dough that I will use for something else. Maybe I'll throw down some cinnamon and sugar and give my mother-in-law a run for her money.  In fact, I'm going to call her and throw down the cinnamon-roll gauntlet....after about fifty or sixty years of practice.  

I may have a very good chance of winning by then, given that she'd be about one hundred and twenty years old. 

Day Forty One: Honey, I Burned the Cookies

My son is studying insects this week at school.  I learned this because I received an email from his teacher asking that each child bring to school an insect in a jar that he found from home.

Yes:  Found. From. Home.

My first thought was:  I spend a significant percentage of my existence making sure there are no bugs in my home.

My second thought was:  oh, from home.  She probably meant insects that we found from home outside.

Whew.

I was trying to think about what I could do to contribute to the topic, when I found Martha's Honey Lace Cookies.  Honey...Bees...Insects...Get it?

Best part:  there are only five ingredients.  And one is salt.

Melted ingredients:

Cookies spooned onto cookie sheet waiting to be cooked.

Finished cookies:
It makes a really delicate, lacy cookie.  Perfect for a shower or tea.

The cookies are so thin, my son took one look at them and decided they weren't "real" cookies.  He couldn't tell me what they were, but was adamant they were not cookies.

One teensy problem with this recipe:  since the cookies are so delicate, they burn rather easily.  I guess I won't be taking them to school since I burned half the batch.  One that made the cut:

And now I'm off to find an insect.  Outside.

Day Thirty Eight: Puzzling Cookie

We are celebrating a little boy's birthday tomorrow.  This little boy is the son of a very good friend.  He is turning four and his mother has asked that in lieu of toys, we bring one kids book that will be donated to the childrens' hospital.  It is such a sweet gesture and one that we should all emulate...But I sort of feel bad for the little boy:  what four-year old understands philanthropy? Poor kid is probably coming to his birthday expecting a toy-a-palooza and he's getting...books.

Books that he's going to donate.

So I'm not buying a gift for him.  I'm following directions...but I am going to make a gift, which was not mentioned at all by his mother.  (If you are reading this, please forgive me, B.)  The lawyer in me says that if it was not explicitly excluded,  it's an exception.

Gift-giving being rationalized, I'm off to buy the ingredients....

I'm going to make Martha's Cookie Puzzle, which in addition to being edible is also educational (you have to solve the puzzle), so it's not all bad, right?  (This is where the readers are supposed to agree.)

I happen to know that this special boy is crazy about dinosaurs, so I decided to theme my cookie puzzle on dinosaurs.  I baked the (really large) cookie and divided it per Martha's instructions.

 Then, I put a background of white icing:

Since I have a dinosaur-loving son of my own, I have to admit that I am pretty good at drawing dinosaurs.  Many an afternoon have I sat with a kid on my lap drawing the things.  So it was with some surprise that my dinosaur turned out like this:  

Not fantastic.  It looks like someone hemorrhaged on the cookie. You can hardly tell it's a dinosaur.  I thought about including a note explaining it was a dinosaur, but figured if I had to do that, then the dinosaur must really stink.  

And when I tried to make it better by outlining it and drawing in some details, it only got worse:

A photo of the handsome face:

And the tail, complete with spikes:

At this point, I'm pretty sure Someone is trying to teach me a lesson.  (Next time, I won't try to be clever, I promise.  I will follow all gift-giving directions, explicit or implied.) 

But now, I have a gift that needs a-fixin'.

I decided to abandon the dinosaur shape (a stegosaurus for those of you who were wondering) and just draw the number four.  That's easy.  Never mind that the sugar cookie now has approximately seven inches of icing on it.  Kids like icing.

With the number four:

Ever wish you had an "undo" button for your life? That's how I feel about this cookie. I'd like to start at the beginning.  Right about at photo #1.

This is the finished product:

I sort of swirled all the icing together to make an abstract image.  The puzzle is really more about shapes, than a specific image, anyway.

You might notice how this cookie is substantially smaller than it was originally.  That is because during the process, the bottom part of the cookie cracked.  So, I abandoned it.  There was also a large mouth-shaped bite out of another piece.  I'm still not sure who is the culprit.  But a smaller cookie is actually better.  We wouldn't want to give the birthday boy a a tummy ache.

Sort-of cool, abstract design:

Cookie puzzle in gift box, ready for solving:

A note inside says:

Happy Birthday!

Don't cheat, solve the puzzle before you eat!

I think it will look better when the icing dries.
:skeptical:

In the end, unless I wake up tomorrow and the cookies look like this:

I probably won't be giving the puzzle to the birthday boy.

I'll just show up with my book and hope his mother didn't read this entry.