Day Twenty Five: Happy Lopsided Birthday to You!

I have been walking on air since the piped-rose cupcakes two days ago.  If it were socially acceptable, I would wear one of those beauty-queen sashes that reads:  Piped-Icing Queen.  Maybe a tiara, too.

Tomorrow is my oldest daughter's third birthday. Even with the icing success, I'll admit that I really wanted to go buy her a cake:  a really lovely cake with pretty icing that I didn't have to make myself.

I wonder if Martha ever bought a cake for her daughter's birthday.

I decided in the end that making the cake would probably take me the same amount of time as it would if I loaded my three kids into the car, drove to the bakery, found a parking space, unloaded said kids, found a satisfactory cake, paid for said cake, loaded the kids back into the car and drove home.  So I made this cake:

 The plan was to model it after Martha's Tiniest Birthday Cake.  But before I could frost the cake, Martha dictates that I trim that top to create an even surface.  One could do this with a knife, OR one of these useless handy cake-slicer things:

This contraption's purpose is to drive you crazy even out cakes, or cut layers to make layered cakes.

After several passes with the cake slicer, my cake was quite a bit shorter than when I started. In fact, instead of a birthday cake, my creation resembles more of a birthday pie. Plus, instead of having a lovely, rounded top, my cake looks like the Leaning Tower of Pisa.

Or at least its shorter, fatter cousin.

After you've created a flat surface, you can begin applying the icing.

If you've never seen icing applied by a professional on TV, it looks like this:  Chef scoops up a large dollop of icing with a spatula, handily flicks the icing onto the cake and begins spreading.

I'm here to tell you:  Aiming icing is harder than it looks.

Luckily I had plenty of icing because some much of it ended up on the counter, nowhere in the vicinity of the cake.

After I managed to cover the cake with icing, I figured I should smooth it out to make it look pretty.  Martha suggests you smooth the icing by rotating the cake, smoothing the icing as you turn. This process looks like this:

Smooth the icing, turn the cake, Smooth the icing, turn the cake

Smooth the icing, turn the cake, Smooth the icing, turn the cake

Smooth the icing, turn the cake, Smooth the icing, turn the cake

Smooth the icing, turn the cake, Smooth the icing, turn the cake

Smooth the icing, turn the cake, Smooth the icing, turn the cake

Smooth the icing, turn the cake, Smooth the icing, turn the cake

Smooth the icing, turn the cake, Smooth the icing, turn the cake

Smooth the icing, turn the cake, Smooth the icing, turn the cake

Smooth the icing, turn the cake, Smooth the icing, turn the cake

Smooth the icing, turn the cake, Smooth the icing, turn the cake

Smooth the icing, turn the cake, Smooth the icing, turn the cake

Smooth the icing, turn the cake, Smooth the icing, turn the cake

Smooth the icing, turn the cake, Smooth the icing, turn the cake

Smooth the icing, turn the cake, Smooth the icing, turn the cake

Smooth the icing, turn the cake, Smooth the icing, turn the cake

Smooth the icing, turn the cake, Smooth the icing, turn the cake

Smooth the icing, turn the cake, Smooth the icing, turn the cake

Smooth the icing, turn the cake, Smooth the icing, turn the cake

....for the rest of your life or until it's time to eat the cake.

 I gave up smoothing the icing after my arm starting going numb.

The result of my hard work:

It's a sad, sad sight, I know...but it was made with love.

Tomorrow I'm going to let the kids decorate it with candy and icing.  Maybe all the candy will camouflage the fact that the cake leans and the icing has been smoothed-to-death.

I'll be returning that Icing Queen sash.  But I'm keeping the tiara.

Update:
The kiddos were ecstatic to decorate the cake with candy:

  By the time they finished, the icing had finger-shaped indentions, but the cake's lean was undetectable thanks to the mountain of candy and sprinkles.

Day Twenty-Four: Bob and Weave: Woven Ribbon Wrap

I had breakfast this morning with my adorable friend Christine, who is blessing the general pool with her gorgeous genes by having her first child.  Such jubilation requires a suitably adorable gift and an equally charming presentation.  The gift is easy, but what sort of presentation?

I'm trying to give up using gift bags because I have a suspicion that gift bags are like fruitcake:  there are really only a limited number of gift bags and those are used over and over.  I love the concept of these Wine bags that take pride in being re-gifted.  Maybe I'll start doing that with regular gift bags too.  Until then, I've made a commitment: no more fruitcake gift bags.

So I wrapped these baby gifts, but needed Martha to jazz it up.  Her Woven Ribbon Wrap is super cute, and allowed me to attach the two boxes together.

Gifts and ribbon:

 Wrapped in one level of ribbon:

 Second level:

 ...and again...

 Ta-Da!

Christine will have to unleash her inner Houdini to reach the gifts inside, but at least it looks cute.

Day Twenty Three: Everything's Coming Up Roses: Piped-Rose Cupcakes

My sweet, oldest daughter is turning three-years old on Sunday. :tear:  Our family is going to celebrate with her on Sunday, but tomorrow (Friday), she is going to celebrate with her class at school.

A quick portrait of my oldest daughter (aka the middle child):  like most little girls her age, she moonlights as a princess, but she is really (really) into clothes, specifically accessories. (Her mother likes an accessory or two so she comes by it honestly.)  Everyday, she jazzes up her school uniform with (faux) cocktail rings, bracelets, headbands, or a particularly snazzy pair of pink-glitter cat-eye sunglasses. On the weekends, she will change several times a day, for no particular reason.  One of her favorite accessories is a headband with a pink fabric rose that rivals the size of her head.

For the party tomorrow,  I'm bringing cupcakes in lieu of a cake. When I saw Martha's Piped-Rose Cupcakes, it reminded me of her ridiculously large beloved headband.  These would be perfect.

Since I clearly have a gift for creating flowers out of ribbon, why not icing?

The cupcakes call for Swiss Meringue Buttercream icing, which I will preface with these words:  four sticks of butter.

Thereby destined to be delicious, it required the use of the mixer (power tool!), which brought my son running to help.

Five-year old son running the mixer with glee (you'll have to take my word on the glee part);

Making the flowers required the use of a Pastry Nail, which I had never heard of before.  A pastry nail looks like something they borrowed from a medieval torture device:

My husband actually asked if I had found it in his toolbox.

Also new to me:  putting icing into a pastry bag.  If you've never done this, imagine trying to dress an uncooperative toddler, who has also been slathered in baby oil.   It was a messy prospect.

Using pastry nail to begin flower:

 First petal:

Several petals:

 Completed flower:

Did I mention this was my first try??  :beaming:  If there were such a thing as a Nobel Prize in Icing Roses, I'm pretty sure I would win.

Cupcakes, which looked marginal at best:

Flower after it had chilled in the refrigerator:

Completed, piped-rose cupcakes:

I was expecting the results to look like a chernobyl flower garden, but they look great--more than satisfactory for a bunch of two- and three-year olds who will likely lick off the icing at first chance.

You can't see me, but I'm dancing around my kitchen with an imaginary Soul Train.  :RaiseTheRoof:

Happy (early) birthday, to my little fashionista!

Day Twenty Two: Window Dressing Your Window Boxes

I love Spring.  I try to enjoy the temperate weather as much as I can before the blistering, miserable heat of Summer arrives.  Spring is when I do all my gardening and planting because Summer is devoted to sitting by the pool sipping on something frosty.

We don't have a ton of space to garden, so a few years ago my hubby bought me these window boxes (Happy Mothers Day!)  Every year I have to get to re-plant them with something different.  Martha gives us lots of tips for successful window boxes and containers. These are the three steps I follow:

Step #1:  Go to the nursery and pick out the plants you think you need.  Buy twice as many.
Step #2:  Cram as many plants as you can into the pot.
Step #3:  Stand back and admire your work.

The resulting window boxes:















So to review:

Lesson #1:
Spring = gardening time
Summer = pool time + frosty beverage

Lesson #2:
Successful Container Garden = cramming twice as many plants as you think will fit into your pot.


Class dismissed.


p.s.
Update:  If you remember my flower arranging attempt, you may be pleased to see that the cherry branches are finally beginning to bloom, and my collection of dead sticks is starting to look more like a collection of dying sticks:

Up close it's not so bad:

If it starts to look anything like Martha's version, I will for sure let you know.

Day Twenty One: Meat My Husband--Grilled Beef Skewers

My husband is from Montana.

Montana is the land of cowboys, cattle and Big Sky country.  He grew up eating meat and potatoes:  a lot of beef (mostly overcooked), and a lot of potatoes, cooked every way imaginable.

His Montana family is also big on "salads", but nary a leaf will be found on their tables.  True story:  I have visited for a whole week without being served anything green.  Until then, I had never before craved a salad.

If it were up to my sweet husband, he would eat a steak with a twice-baked potato every night.  And a cold beer.

He doesn't get his way much.

But today, just for him, I made Martha's Grilled Beef Skewers with Zucchini and Mint.

These are ridiculously easy, and even healthy.  (Shhhhh. He doesn't know.)

I think Martha was on to something with this recipe, and my hubby confirmed it:  the meat is cut pretty small, so it cooks quickly.  That way your veggies don't have to be rushed to the burn-unit by the time the meat is cooked.

I served it with arugula and brown rice.  Look at all that green!  Zucchini!  Mint!  Scallions!  Arugula!  

My husband wasn't sure if he should eat it or mow it.

But he did love it.

Day Twenty: Petits Fours Dummys

I went to a baby shower Sunday, and while they served an impressive three-tier cake with a cartoon caricature of the mother-to-be on the side, there were no petits fours.  There must be petits fours at a shower.  It's a rule....that someone said...some time ago.

For the uninitiated, petits fours (pronounced "petty-fours" if you speak American) are little, bite-sized cakes.  Petit four is French for "little bites of sugary-heaven".* The best are so light, they melt in your mouth...not unlike cotton candy.  :swoon:   You can see why they are quite a treat.

       *Petit Four is actually French for "little oven", but my version is closer to the truth.

Since there were no petits fours at the shower, I decided to make some as a reward to myself for sitting through two hours of watching a pregnant lady open baby gifts.  All that oooh-ing and aaaah-ing at crocheted baby shoes is hard work.   I chose Martha's recipe for Spring Shower Almond Petits Fours. (Note the name.  Martha, too, knows about the rule).  Martha has numerous petits fours recipes, but I chose this one because several people commented that the recipe was "way too sweet".  The misguided folks who wrote those reviews probably also use the phrases "too rich", "too thin", and "too good-looking".  I don't know these people, but they've lost all credibility with that crazy talk.

I learned a few things today:

Lesson #1:   Almond Paste is like cocaine:  It's sold by the gram. Or quite close to it.  I went to a specialty bake shop because I wasn't sure whether or not I would be able to find almond paste at my local grocery.  I walked out of there with a can of almond paste the size of baby food jar,  and my wallet thirteen dollars lighter.  I felt like I had just left one of those "smoke shops" and had bought something illicit.

This is what almond paste looks like laying over a bed of sugar, which happens to be the first ingredients to petits fours:

Looks appetizing, right?  :gags:


Lesson #2:  Electric Mixers will send all male members of your household scampering to you.  It's the modern version of a dinner bell.  My son became intensely interested in what I was baking as soon as I took it out.

This is what the almond paste and sugar looks like after it's been mixed with loads of butter.  Those are egg whites on top about to be gently folded into the mix.

The petits fours uncooked in their pan:

Petits Fours completed.  Sort of looks like creme brulee, n'est pas?

As if the petits fours weren't delicious enough, you put cherry preserves in the middle and on top.

Lesson #3:  Cherry preserves processed in a food processor looks a lot like the stuff that passes for blood in the movies:

Again, looks appetizing, right?

Lesson #4:  Nothing, absolutely nothing, makes your kitchen dirtier than powdered sugar.  I am still finding sticky spots where I spilled the stuff.  This is probably because the glaze for these petits fours takes TWELVE CUPS of powdered sugar.

Sweet Betty Crocker that's a lot of powdered sugar.

I had to take a photo of it.

 ...And you mix the sugar with milk.  Throw in a video game and you've slipped into some kid's fantasy...

Side note: that's me, mixing the glaze with the wisk my husband Santa bought me for Christmas.  What a treat that was...There is nothing like waking up on Christmas morning and finding... a wisk in your stocking!  Yay!

Completed, cherry-preserve-topped petits fours, before the sugar frosting glaze is applied:

They don't look too bad, right?

It is at this point that the whole endeavor goes horribly wrong. 

Lesson #5:  If you don't mix in enough milk to your glaze, your petits fours will end up looking like a bad-horror-movie victim, oozing blood and covered in slime:

This is the most appetizing photo I could take:

In the future I think I will leave the petits fours to the professional bakers.  Besides, it's really not a good idea that I start making these at home.  I might as well just tie the sticks of butter directly to my thighs.  It would be more expedient.  Plus, they look so terrible I'm not sure I could get anyone else to eat them...

But Holy Martha Stewart are they good.

Day Nineteen: Organizing for Lazy People

You know those busy weekend days where you fly from one  (insert one)  kid's birthday party/baby shower/soccer game to the next  (insert one)  kid's birthday party/grocery store/swim practice?

Today has been one of those days....I need a weekend from my weekend.

Cooking dinner was the very last thing I was going to do after all that running and partying and showering of pregnant women.

So we ordered take-out.

As I was looking at our collection of take-out menus I realized I needed a little help from Martha. 

Martha recently debuted a new collection from Avery (you know, the label folks).  It is beyond adorable.  I bought a couple things from her collection last week. 

(Note to my dear husband:  you should skip the next paragraph.) 

 If I'm being honest, I did a little more than pick up a few items from the Martha Stewart collection.  If someone said Hurricane MRS had hit the Martha Stewart aisle at Staples, that would be more accurate. 

But I digress.

At any rate, I bought one of these super-cute wall pockets: 

....popped my take-out menus inside, and hung the whole thing in my pantry:

Organizing the take-out menus took less time than ordering the take-out.

Now if the delivery guy would get a move on....